The idea to hike the Colorado Trail did not exactly start out as a tribute to my father, but it evolved into celebrating all that he gave me.
My father passed away unexpectedly 6 weeks after I returned from veterinary school in Edinburgh, Scotland. I was just broken after he passed. My person, who I wanted to share my career with the most, was gone. Moreover, I was facing the challenge of studying for the North American Veterinary Licensing Exam (NAVLE) while shouldering this tremendous grief. I treated studying for the exam like a job; I drilled 100 practice questions per day, studying from 8 a.m. to at least 6 p.m., some days longer. I completed over 5,000 questions by the time I took the exam. I trembled at the thought of failing and I think I cried most nights, missing him while walking from the library at University of Colorado Denver, where I did my undergrad, to my car. I passed the NAVLE, moved into my career and forgot about being happy. I put my head down and worked to pay off my student loan. Happiness was for other people. Then – the wake-up call came. My friend Bree was on the other end of the line. She was telling me that she was coming to Denver to start the Colorado Trail and wondered if I could give her a ride to Waterton Canyon. I was like, “sure.” I did not even know what the Colorado Trail was, so I Googled it. Here was this walk from Denver to Durango – 500 miles. What a cool thing to do. Then I thought, “how is it that I busted my tail for 14 years to get through veterinary school and I never had the personal time to do something like this!?” While I was happy for Bree, I have to say, I was slightly jealous. I wanted to do the Colorado Trail! It was the summer of 2015. Bree and I were at Waterton Canyon trailhead. I walked with her up the trail for about 2 miles. We hugged and parted ways. While walking back, I started thinking, “how can I do this?” Being new in my job, the Colorado Trail was not something I could do soon and owing so much on my student loan – it looked impossible to take 30 or so days off to complete the trail. The idea kept stirring in my head. It came to me that the year I turned 40 would be perfect - 2020. By then, I would have worked enough years in my job; I could take a leave of absence and do the trail. Plus, I wanted a way to get in the best shape of my life by 40. I started training on the trail in 2018. I would fill my pack with what I thought I needed and go out and hike. First 3 hours, then 6 hours, then 8 hours. In 2019, I did a 54-mile training hike over segments 1-3, down Rolling Creek Trail to Wigwam Trail and out FS Rd-545. After that hike, I pretty much worked out how much I needed to pack in between re-supply opportunities. Training for the trail was CPR for me. It breathed life into my joyless days. Looking forward to hiking the trail in 2020 gave me something to hope for again. The summer of 2020 finally came. I was working on my grief around losing my father since September of 2019. My therapist kept asking me, “So why the Colorado Trail? Is it a way to process losing your father?” I had not really thought of it that way, but it was. When I would hike, I always thought of him. I thought about how he taught me to love the outdoors; how he took solace in evening walks; I saw him walk the stress of his job off during those walks. When I was 7, he took me up our path to the dam that is on our property, taught me how to pitch a tent and slept outside of it while I slept inside so that I learned how to camp. He took me fishing up on Red Rock Mountain, his favorite spot, where I would see his joy when he caught native brook trout. On those trips I remember him saying, “Mary, look at the stones in that creek, look at their beautiful colors!” He loved how untouched, unpolluted the stream was there. Yes, hiking the Colorado Trail was a way to finally take the time to walk with my Father, process his loss and celebrate all that he gave me – my love of the outdoors, my comfort in it and my resiliency. My father was tough. However, I came to realize during this process of training for the trail, that he prepared me for the years in my life he knew he would not be here. You see, my father had me at 47 and he knew he would not be here for most of my life. Now, I am grateful for his foresight. He fortified me into the woman who could hike the Colorado Trail solo at 40. I started the trail solo, but of course on the trail one is never alone. Repeat and I hiked the rest of segment 28 together. Bree came 2 miles up the trail and walked with me to the end. Repeat sped up and left us to our girl talk. I finished the Colorado Trail on August 23, 2020 – my Dad’s Birthday!!! My Dad’s favorite thing to do after a day outdoors was to stop and have chocolate ice cream. We celebrated him by having some! We shared it with whoever was close by finishing the trail! We celebrated me by pairing that ice cream with champagne! This post and the meaning of finishing the Colorado Trail could go on and on, but I will leave it here. Below are some pics of segment 28 and the end! Oh, yeah, and on the trail, I found my smile, my laugh and happiness again (: A big hug and thank you go out to Bree and her husband Coltin for meeting us at the end with chocolate ice cream and champagne! Please continue to follow me on my new blog – The After Trail!
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Repeat and I woke at 3:50 a.m. to pack our tents and be ready to hit the trail by 5 a.m. or before to make our 12 by 12, 12 miles by 12 p.m.
We started our morning hiking in the dark! We had our head lamps on, but I was struggling. He was behind me, and his light cast my shadow in front of me, so I could not see where I was going easily. Plus, my lamp was dying. We switched places and things got easier. Thankfully, we only hiked in the dark for about an hour and then the most brilliant sunrise was our treat! The unique blend of orange, pink and yellow in the rising sun was, unfortunately, a side-effect from the smoke haze created by the Grizzly Creek Wildfire burning through Glenwood Canyon. Even at our brisk pace, I took mini breaks to take pictures of it – it was just too unique and beautiful not to! Segment 27 was a rugged trail to try and do a 12 by 12 on. My shoulders were feeling my pack; I was painful but resolved to make our goal. Mile 18.5 on segment 27 would be our 12-mile mark. We knew we had made it once we reached the top of the last hilltop after Indian Trail Ridge; that was the 18.7-mile mark. We were there! Before noon! There were only 2 miles left to go on this segment now. It was August 19th; I was well ahead of my desired finish date of August 23rd, my Dad’s Birthday. I decided to get off the trail at the end of this segment, spend a few days with friends in Durango and Bayfield, CO, then get back on the trail on August 22. In the meantime, Repeat would finish the trail and re-join me on August 22. He wanted to keep me company, so he elected to do segment 28 again. He knew a gorgeous camp site 8 miles into segment 28. We would hike to there on the 22nd and then I could finish the trail on August 23rd. At the end of segment 27 Repeat and Stridor, who had hopscotched us along the trail, waited while I asked passers-by for a ride. A line of vehicles that I suspected were together approached. The lead vehicle was slowing down enough that I could ask the driver if I could have a ride to Durango. At first, he declined, but then he asked me to go to the passenger's side. His wife just wanted to clarify that I needed a ride to Durango. She explained that they were not going that far, but they could take me as far as they were going. That was great for me; I figured I would go as far as they could take me and then hitch hike the rest of the way to Durango. They were continuing up FS Rd-571 to the notch on the ridge. Initially, I was going to wait for them, but Mary, the Master Driver’s wife, asked me if I wanted to jump in and go with them. I paused for a moment, in my head I was thinking, “this will be fun and different, why not?” I agreed to go up the road with them. She had me ride with Mike, one of the drivers in the caravan. Off-roading was so fun! I had not done much before and this felt extreme; the road was one lane and narrow; we had to get to the top before anyone could turn around. Then - we met a surprise! A Mazda sedan was sitting in the notch at the top of the ridge! Its bottom had caught the ridge just before it would have certainly gone over, falling several hundred feet. The car’s owner was sitting on a cliff to the right with a variety of snacks in a Dollar Store bag dressed in flip-flops, a house dress and an oversized jacket. She could not have been barely a hundred pounds. Realizing this car made it up this road blew everyone in the caravan away! After the shock wore off a bit, we started to wonder if the driver was trying to go over the ridge? Mary started talking to her. Mary and the Master Driver offered to help get her car free and back down the FS road. The driver accepted the help, but over the course of freeing her car, it became clear that something was off. The EMT in me could not help observe the driver’s interaction with Mary. I shared with Mary that I could hear the driver was oriented to person, place, time and event, but I was concerned she was a danger to herself when the driver started to say she was happy to have her car free but was not going to come back down the FS road. The team, thankfully, was able to convince her to come down with them in the end. The Mazda owner continued down FS Rd-571 while we stopped at the trailhead where they had picked me up to have lunch. I was grateful to sit in this group of kind people and get to know them. After lunch, we started down FS Rd-571 toward Durango. About a half hour into our off-roading, we found the Mazda again. The driver was sitting with her feet in the creek, refusing to drive the rest of the way out to the highway. She became belligerent with Mary. Mary got back in her vehicle and radioed me in Mike’s vehicle. She asked me what I thought she should do. I explained that given how the driver was not dressed to withstand the elements out here, was acting hostile and was putting herself and others at risk with her car – it was time to call the Sheriff. I gave Mary the Sheriff’s number out of my CO Trail Databook. She called, and the Sheriff said he would come and do a welfare check on the driver. We drove on. The team decided to take me all the way to Durango. They dropped me off at Carver’s where I was meeting Bree, my friend who inspired me to do the trail. As I waited in Carver’s for Bree, I reflected on the afternoon. It felt like a strange combination of skills had come together this day. I could not believe that I had this whole, what felt like, side adventure. Unreal. I met some of the kindest, most generous people, got to go off-roading with them, see their skill in rescuing a vehicle, help them by assessing how safe the driver was and assist them further by determining that calling in additional help, the Sheriff, was the safest thing for the driver. I could have gotten a ride with anyone, but I was able to ride with this group. Again, Unreal. Bree came into Carver’s and I let go of my pondering… Here are some pics of segment 27! We were off to an early start on a brisk morning. The dew, almost frost, made the red, yellow and purple August wildflowers sparkle in the rising sun. I drew in a deep breath of cool nourishing mountain air. Segment 25. In my mind it felt like the last ‘chunk’ of the trail was coming up. The end was so close and yet with the exertion necessary to get there – it seemed so far away.
As we passed the parking lot of the trailhead there were several horses getting saddled. Not thinking much of it at the time, Repeat and I proceeded on up the segment. Eventually the group of riders caught us and passed. We exchanged pleasantries and kept hiking a safe distance behind them. They stopped to let their horses drink water and we ended up passing them. We started hopscotching with them in this manner and then we all started talking. Finally, my curiosity got the better of me and I asked if they were friends riding together or a specific group. They were the Back Country Horsemen! These members were finishing the Colorado Trail, a process that they had worked on over years. I thought they were so cool and courageous living out their dream of riding the trail. Repeat and I were working on hiking a 10 by 10 that day, 10 miles by 10 a.m. We made it to the Engineer Mountain Trail, which was our 10-mile marker before 10 a.m.! Yay! We kept going a bit farther to the high point to celebrate our achievement and have a snack. The Back Country Horsemen passed us again. One of the members said, “Well the group discussed it, and we feel like we know you both like you are part of us. Would you like to come to dinner?” I was ecstatic! There was nothing I wanted to do more than to have dinner with the Back Country Horsemen. They said they were camping at Celebration Lake. I think I flew the 10 or so remaining miles to Celebration Lake. After setting up camp, we went down the hill to meet them. They were feeding and brushing their horses out after the long ride. I offered to help. One of the owners asked me to brush out her horse. I could not believe that I was spending time with a horse in the stunning surroundings of Celebration Lake with this group of generous people. Soon we sat down and ate dinner together. I was able to connect with different group members and learn about their connection with their horse or mule. The next day, Repeat and I hiked segment 26 and 6.5 miles into segment 27, making it to Big Bend Trail. After selecting a camp spot and setting up, we found our new friends. One of the members came to me and said, “I have a veterinary question for you.” I said, “That’s great, how can I help?” He showed me an area on his horse’s back where there was a quarter sized spot of missing hair and red skin. I suspected the rear corner of the saddle was causing this. After all the terrible saddle wounds I had treated in Central America working with Equitarian Initiative, this was a relief to assist with. I recommended that he get a large foam pad for under the saddle, cut a hole out of the pad where it sits over that rub wound and let me know if that helps. I explained that the hair may not grow back, but the skin should look less irritated. He reported to me later in an email that what I recommended worked! They asked us to join them for dinner again; we insisted on returning their kindness by cleaning up after. We enjoyed laughing and listening to their adventures for another evening. Sharing my love of horses and mules with others on the trail was so fun! It was an experience I had not enjoyed up to this point. We parted ways that evening as Repeat and I had a big goal for the next day; hike a 12 by 12, 12 miles by 12 p.m. Here are some pics of segments 25 + 26! Segment 24 started out difficult. Still tired from the roller coaster of 23 the day before, I felt like I was walking with two left feet and a sluggish body. We had a climb in front of us followed by a decent to Molas Pass. I was soooo looking forward to getting to Molas Pass Campground. I wanted to take a shower and go into Silverton for some town rest, relaxation and socialization.
We finally climbed to the high point on the segment, where the Continental Divide Trail joins the Colorado Trail. We took pictures and then descended further down the segment. I was still struggling to find my energy, but at the same time, I could not help admire the beauty around me. This is where Repeat would give me his ever-strengthening words. He would acknowledge me by commenting that it was amazing how much I could be struggling and still love the scenery and the experience. That was true – I never lost how beautiful and unique being present on the trail was. Repeat and I finally got down the switchbacks on 24 to have breakfast. After breakfast, I felt a bit more energy. However, when we started going over the avalanche debris, I became invigorated! I was fearful of it at first, but then it was like being on an adult jungle gym! After lunch, Repeat put me in the lead, and we started kicking out some miles. I was having fun! I was doing some trail running - running down 24! Repeat kept telling me we were going to end 24 ascending switchbacks. We finally got there, and I decided to interval train up the switchbacks – 5 minutes hard, 5 minutes moderate. That way of approaching it got me through - to Molas Pass and to a shower. I ended segment 24 feeling vigorous. I was ready to go to town, but one of my fellow hikers was not ok. He had soaked in a cold creek, hiked 24 miles and then indulged in some personal recreational material. He was sitting at a picnic table slumped over with his trail family around him. They were asking him questions and looking deeply concerned. Pushing my feelings of wanting to rush to Silverton aside, I started talking to him and his trail family. I suspected he was dealing with hyperthermia. Upon physical assessment - he was clammy with weak pulses and had an elevated heart rate. We found a couple sympathetic to thru-hikers. They let me have some cold cans and ice. I laid him down and put cans in his armpits and groin to cool him down. I raised his feet to keep his blood circulating to his core – heart, lungs and brain. We all kept him sipping water. Thankfully, the interventions worked. He started to feel better. With relief, he stabilized. The EMT in me wanted to get him to Silverton for further care, but he insisted he was ok to go to town and simply relax. Hiking segment 24 was quite the day. I went from feeling rough, to soaring on the trail, to helping a fellow hiker, to relaxing in town. As I quietly reflected on the day, I acknowledged that I was nearing the end of this incredible life informing journey. My outlook on what I wanted for my future was changing. The experiences of overcoming myself and helping both pets and people on the trail influenced a desire for something different - I just did not quite know what yet. Here are some pics of segment 24! Being out on the trail this past weekend placed me right back into the synchronicity of life. The experience reminded me why I love existing on the trail so much.
My plan this season is to carry a pet/horse first aid pack to help pets and horses along my path while I am hiking. Simultaneously, I will be available for consultation on pet/horse emergencies via my Garmin. I shared this plan with Caveman. Caveman injured his ankle while hiking the Continental Divide Trail (CDT) this season. He advised on Facebook that he was looking for places to stay while he was in Denver getting his ankle assessed. I was going away for 4 days, so I offered my place to him while I was gone. We have been friends since. When I told Caveman what I wanted to do this season, he helped me execute the first weekend. He facilitated staging my car at Lynwood Park and gave me a ride to the Indian Creek Trail Head – how cool is that accumulation of trail magic?! Not to mention, he has been responsible for trail magic on the Colorado Trail (CT) during 2019 and 2020 in areas between Denver and Salida. Outreach was my goal on this first weekend. Goal accomplished! Many new people took my contact information. Additionally, on segment 3, I came upon a hiker and her dog. In passing I let her know that I was carrying a first aid pack for pets, asking, “did her pet need anything?” Worried that her pet was sore, she consented to letting me complete a physical exam on her pet. I was able to determine that her pet was sore from some arthritis in the left stifle (knee) and right elbow as well as from blisters on the front paws. She agreed that I could give her pet a dose of Rimadyl – a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory (NSAID) for pain. I gave her a dose to give for the next morning too. They didn’t have far to go, so I coached her on how to care for the blisters when she got home. She was planning to do more hiking this season with her pet, so I gave her my contact information, explaining that we could meet and discuss strategies about how to condition her pet and prevent soreness on future adventures. This interaction is an example of exactly what I hope to do on the trail this season and many to come. The synchronicity kept climbing on segment 3! I ran into Wendy, a trail angel I met on segment 4 along with her husband, Matt, last year! She was going north bound while I was going south bound. As I was coming up over a hill, I heard someone exclaim, “Dr. Mac!” I looked ahead as she winged off her sunglasses, and there was Wendy! I immediately shouted, “Oh my God! Wendy!" We totally bounded to each other, leaping into a hug! She knew I was out there because I posted on Vetemedic.org that I would be covering segment 3, but before she knew that, she had already planned to segment hike 3 with a partner, Melinda. We caught up for a bit and then parted ways, but she re-joined me at my campsite for a couple of hours that evening. Over some biscuits and gravy she ended up not using, but we decided to try, we had the best time covering our lives since last summer and talking about our serendipitous meeting on the trail again. The next morning, I continued to the end of segment 3 and ran into another hiker I knew at the Rolling Creek Trail Head. I had met Gratitude on segment 11 last year. I was getting off the trail to end my weekend as Gratitude was starting segment 3 heading north bound. I was having a hard time figuring out how I was going to get rides back to my car while section hiking this season and it turns out Gratitude might be able to help! These coincidences and the outreach accomplished reminded me why I love being back out there – it restores my belief in life's harmony. And there was also my personal journey last weekend. I thought about how my hike last year was a walk with my late father. Hiking the trail again inspired me to commit to writing his story. My father, through example, taught me that the outdoors is a refuge, a place to find peace and inspiration. My father was the Administrator of Education at Dallas State Prison in Dallas, Pennsylvania for 30 years. He gave inmates second chances by educating them with a trade and made sure every inmate in his program left with a Graduate Equivalency Degree (GED). He influenced so many, including me to live better healthier lives. He was the champion of the second chance. This fall I am going to sit down and write his story. Thank you, CT and trail angels, for being my refuge and inspiration. Here are some fun pics of Indian Creek/segments 1-3! Well, really segment 23 was ‘The Roller Coaster,’ but it’s a great title! Repeat and I kept our promise. We started segment 22 early. He could clearly hike faster than me, so I encouraged him to go a head of me and we could meet at the end of the day or somewhere on the segment. I was not going to have fun trying to hike at his pace and he was content with our agreement to meet later. Segment 22 was a slow climb to the highest point of the Colorado Trail, 13,271 ft at mile 14.4 of the segment and 374.9 miles into the trail if one is going south bound. I did not catch up with Repeat until approaching the climb for the High Point. He did the sweetest thing. He was waiting for me, and he descended the trail, asking if he could carry my pack. By now we had established that my pack was not fitting me, and it was a bit on the heavy side. I told him, “thank you, but no, I came here to do this, but you can keep me company on this climb!” We climbed to the High Point together. At the top we re-encountered Overdrive, Ham and Grizz. We also met two new hikers. We all celebrated this milestone and commemorated it with some pictures. Eventually, we kept hiking on to finish segment 22. We hiked 0.5 miles into segment 23 where we shared a campsite with Hodgepodge. Repeat and Hodgepodge knew each other from the year before. It was fun watching them catch up. I started segment 23 early the next morning before Repeat, interval training for the first hour. He caught up with me for breakfast right before Cataract Gulch Trail and a small lake. As we descended the trail, we saw 3 bull moose eating in and around the lake. They were stunning. One was up to his abdomen in the lake munching on lake greens. He would dip his head down, obtain a bite and then come up and shake all the water from his antlers. This was happening while the sun was hitting his antlers and the water when he shook it off, creating a glistening effect to the scene - an unforgettable moment of nature's art. We tried to absorb what we were seeing – something so unique, beautiful and rare. Eventually, our sense of urgency made us hike on. Segment 23 was an up and down collection of summits – a roller coaster of hiking. We finally ended our day 3 miles into segment 24 – beat and tired from the athleticism of it all. Here are some pictures of segments 22, 23 and the start of 24! Segment 21 was the first segment I ever ‘slack packed.’ Kimber was able to stay another night and offered to meet Repeat and I at Spring Creek Pass. Dumping all unnecessary items from my pack, except my glass bottled coke for my hour into the day caffeine fix, Repeat and I headed out early the next morning. Thankfully, Kimber gave us a ride to the jeep access road, FS Rd-503. At the crack of dawn, we bounced on the dirt road from Creede to FS Rd-503 in Kimber’s jeep.
We bid her goodbye, planning on seeing her at the end of the day at Spring Creek Pass. Not long into our jaunt up the jeep road to the trailhead, we observed a Red (with silver) Fox trotting parallel across the creek from us. There was something cathartic, fun and mystical about being out there with him/her. We arrived at the trailhead for segment 22. It was time for my caffeine stop, my extra special coke in a glass bottle! Repeat found it appalling that I carried this extra weight as I am sure many other ‘ultra lighters’ might. It was so worth it! Sweet caffeinated fizz trickled down my throat around 8 a.m. in the morning fueling the rest of my day! It had been a while since I hiked with anyone. I really had not hiked the middle segments consistently with another person. Repeat and I enjoyed getting to know each other. We shared stories, laughed together and talked about what we did in our ‘regular lives.’ He was so excited to show me different points of interest on the trail. One of the most pristine was a small lake along the way – there are some pictures of it below. Shortly after departing from the lake, we saw a cow Moose munching in the forest – she stole my breath – I loved looking at her, so majestic and beautiful! We decided to eat lunch at the high point of the trail, 12,785 ft. It was a gorgeous place to pause! Plus, our lunch was so decadent because all we had to carry was our food for the day! We had an array of options – cheese, salami, almond butter, tortillas, nuts, chocolate and more. We made our favorite combinations and munched down while taking in the view. The trail descended into a wind whipping plateau that we continued to talk over while hiking even though our voices were often lost in the wind. Over the last mile we descended to Highway 149, looking for Kimber’s Scamp camper. We saw it, but then as we lost elevation it disappeared from our eyesight. We crossed Highway 149 into the parking lot of Spring Creek Pass. There, we ran into Fire Sox, spreading trail magic – giving out oranges, Gatorade and other goodies. We sat down with Gatorade and tried to find Kimber. After a few texts, we realized that Kimber was parked above us beyond the parking lot. We went to set up camp! We created yet another vacuum – we were joined by Fire Sox, Overdrive, Splash and Alex. We all talked into the evening, but Kimber and I continued to chat by the fire after everyone turned in. Staying up with Kimber was delightful! We watched the stars and covered life’s ground, getting to know each other better. She is a woman I admire and look up to. Repeat and I promised each other we would start segment 22 early the next day, so off to bed I went…eventually, feeling very Blessed to have met Kimber and have Repeat to hike with. Here are some pics of segment 21! Segment 20 was special….
I picked up my pace because I was excited to see Kimber, the trail angel I had met at Clear Creek Reservoir on segment 11. She wanted to meet and help me re-supply in Creede, CO. Originally, I was going to take another day to finish ‘the middle,’ but I decided I was done. I just wanted to get to Creede and see Kimber! I re-evaluated my hiking plan and realized I could probably make it to Creede a day early. I had the best time pushing it! I did interval training the first hour – 5 min hard, then 5 min at a moderate pace. However, I was so excited to get to Creede, I decided to keep interval training all the way to the end of segment 20. I messaged Kimber on my Garmin – “hey there, I think I am going to get out around 2 p.m.” She was quite a ways behind my timeline, so I realized that I was likely going to be hiking the jeep road that connected Creede to segment 20. I resigned to hiking a few more miles. However, I underestimated what a smile and the look of desperation for a ride can do. As a truck was ambling by slowly, I asked the couple inside if they were going to Creede – they were! In exchange for a ride, I offered them compensation, but they would not take it. Then I offered to buy them a round at the nearest brewery. Sold! We started on down the road. While carefully navigating the rough terrain of the jeep road, we ran into my recent campsite comrade– Blackpacker. I declared, “hey that is my friend, think we can fit her in?” We proceeded to add Blackpacker to the truck. We all rode to a common pick-up area on segment 20 where her friend was waiting. After dropping her off we continued on to the nearest tap house in Creede. My benefactors were deciding on their drinks while we were enjoying getting to know each other. Unexpectedly, the bar tender shouted out to us, “hey do y’all know Dr. Mac, someone left a box for her here.” Caught completely off guard, I answered, “yeah, I'm Dr. Mac.” He proceeded to hand me this awesome box full of snacks, a 5-pack of beer (yes, 1 was missing) and a note from Kelly, who I met on segment 14. The easiest way for me to share the note is to take a picture of it – see below. These moments all started to collaborate to give me one of the best times of my life…. As we were leaving the brewery, Repeat and the father of Gummy Bear wandered in. We already planned to move to Tommyknocker Tavern. I invited them to join us, but they were on the fence because they had just had dinner there. I left the invitation open... We were able to sit at a lovely roof top table in Tommyknocker Tavern. I came downstairs from the roof top and found Kimber, just randomly, before she text me she was in Creede. She joined us, and later, her very cool Scamp camper would become my refuge for the night in Kentucky Belle’s parking lot. Kimber and I crossed paths with Repeat the next morning before he hiked segment 21. We chatted for a minute before he left Creede. In a moment, he decided to ‘repeat’ segment 21 with me the next day, just for my company. Repeat, without knowing it, started to change how I saw myself. During segment 21, I started to see my reflection in him. As we hiked more together, he would share with me how he saw me ‘as doing this alone – and that was so incredible.’ He commented frequently on how I never complained. He put into words so many things I never saw about myself, things I did not realize were seen. I never started the trail to complain about it. Yes, everything hurt, mostly, my shoulders, but most of all I was out there because my heart hurt. My heart hurt from 14 years of living on the edge of poverty while completing my veterinary degree, from losing my father 6 weeks after I graduated vet school and from my young years spent being an adult while I was still a child. Repeat just saw me …. he just saw me – as the person – walking. The greatest part of reflection is it goes both ways. Repeat and I shared many stories over the next 8 segments! Stay tuned… Here are some pics of Segment 20 and 21! With the news of losing fellow members of the veterinary field recently, I changed my profile picture on Facebook.
This had a purpose. Many close to me know that I took time away this past year to hike the Colorado Trail. I took that time to let go of my labels – to not be anyone’s veterinarian, girlfriend, etc… I took time to just be a person walking. I picked this picture from the Colorado Trail for my profile strategically because it represents how I feel as a veterinarian daily. Everyday I put on a heavy pack filled with client expectations, the worry about my student loan debt, and the concern of my day. The avalanche debris you see me climbing over hiding the trail represents the unknown answers in the questions, I ask myself daily. “Can I stay on time with my appointments today? While my inner thoughts are telling me - I cannot afford to stay late tonight because I have family obligations, which brings me to - I always feel like I disappoint my family." “Will I please clients today? Will I have the answers? What if something goes wrong in surgery? Will I be able to correct it? What if there is an anesthetic emergency? Will my patient make it? - even with my skilled corrections? What if I cannot get my staff out on time? What if I cannot get out on time – will my partner be angry with me? What if I don’t know what is wrong with your pet??? What if I don’t know what to do???" In the avalanche debris the trail disappears, and I had to use a mix of my intuition, athleticism and surveying skills to see the covered trail – representing my day in veterinary medicine. There is no doubt that those in the Veterinary field are struggling. I am not sure what the answers are, but I stand by anyone who feels they need to take a break. One can take a healthy break - if you need support, please reach out to Vetemedic.org or memcallister2014@gmail.com. Graduating from my undergraduate degree was a 10-year project – I came from a disadvantaged economic situation and worked while going to school part-time. I finally made it to veterinary school, but in my 3rd year, I realized veterinary medicine was not coming to my funeral – I lost my way. I stopped believing that the time I had invested in becoming a veterinarian was worth it. However, with the mountain of student loan debt I had accrued – there was no efficient way to pay it back unless I graduated and paid it working as a veterinarian. During that year, I also lost a classmate – he took his own life, and I understood why. I started to question myself, my motivation to proceed with this career and everything that had defined me up to that moment. While there is much more to the story - taking time to simply be a person walking on the Colorado Trail this year helped me find clarity. Please know it is ok to step away from the career and find your clarity. Off I went in the morning before the sun was up, leaving my campsite at Razor Creek as early as I could to finish segment 17 and get into segment 18. I still had approximately 10 miles to go on segment 17 before I crossed over into 18. It was pretty hot when I crossed Highway 114 into segment 18. I had to get water – my water was going to be from a warm stream traversing through cattle country – the cow patties were laying all around the warm stream…everything one is taught not to ingest when one is in veterinary school.
I thought of taking a picture and sending it to my professional studies professor with the caption of ‘hope iodine tablets and previous exposure gets me through this.’ I took a lunch break and filled my water bottles. After another 9.2 miles and a day of walking a touch over 19 miles, I decided to stop a bit past a stream called Lost Creek. I must have created a vacuum because four additional people camped with me that night. We had a fun time eating together, discussing gear, treating blisters and generally talking about trail strategies. That evening before I realized it, I met one of my greatest motivators for continuing. His trail name was Repeat…and we would hike the rest of the trail together after crossing paths again in Creede, Colorado. Here are some fun pics of segment 18! |
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